1:45 am.

Hi, hello. 
For the first time I came here without something to write about, but i just wanted to write. I get a  bit weird when I have nothing to write about, I feel like there should be something important enough floating around my brain that could always do with over analysing. But for the first time in a very long time, I'm not over analysing something someone said to me or the fact I haven't spoken to such and such in so many days. I'm not allowing these things to fill my mind. I think one of the biggest things that lead me down hill so fast last year was I allowed myself to over think everything. I wanted people to care about me the way I spent so much of my time caring about them, and when it didn't happen I assumed it was my fault, that I wasn't a good person, and that I didn't deserve them in my life. However, I promised myself this year I was going to become a positive thinker, I was going to allow my mind to be free and peaceful and let my life follow. It may not be something I can realistically keep up for a long time, I mean the second I find out something that pisses me off, I still shut down completely. But, I guess I'm talking myself into being okay with it. Not every bad moment in my life has to end with me in my bed not wanting to get up for days and weeks on end. I don't like looking back and remembering how cynical I was. I've become quite fascinate with the workings of Buddhism, and despite my disinterest in religion of any sort, I think it may be something I can slowly incorporate into my life. Just to clean out my mind, body and soul. Would you look at that, I managed to ramble about nothing again for a while. Oh my.
I've become hopelessly in love with this band called Passenger, his album "All the Little Lights" is just hitting home right at this point in my life. I feel like I stumbled unto something by accident right at the point in my life that i needed it. Its so beautiful, and if you are into acoustic music, I guarantee you will love him.
Also Lorde, yup, she's been on repeat quite a bit too, mostly because Royals is really fun to dance too.
Surprisingly, I'm actually more of a metal head, its the music I always fall back on but sometimes I feel like, I want something that make me want to punch people. My music taste is very vast, is there anything you are enjoying lately? Or even your favourite band? I think the one thing I am disappointed with about this year, is I am unable to go back to school to study writing which is something I was very much wanting to do, but I can't afford it/ cant afford to loose my disability because of it/couldn't go to uni even if I wanted too because y'know disability and stuff. I'll explain about it one day, when I'm in a complaining mood or something. I don't think i can write, i never have. But i enjoy it, its much more comfortable then acting was (and acting WAS my comfort zone).
Photography has also helped my writing a lot, I'm looking at things through a camera lens instead of through my own eyes, It makes the world around me seem so distant. I promise I won't start calling myself a photographer. Boy have i missed having a constant creative outlet in my life.

Sorry for how scrambled this is, I basically just pulled my laptop out and let my finger dance and my mind wander, whereas the last two posts were planned and drafted. I'll try and make them a nicely edited extension of my brain in the future, maybe.
I was actually going to come on here yesterday and rant about something I saw on the news, but 2 posts in, I didn't really want to start splatting my opinion all over this thing. I've been on the Internet long enough to know that some opinions should just be left in my head. I've sure I'll get poked at enough one day that I will just rant on here. That's for another story. If you bothered to read this ridiculously lousy post then I applaud and thank you.

Ronny, x